Top signs she likes you and how to stay reactive in life.

I get the need for being able to read some signs when it comes to courting, but beyond the basics, are you perpetuating a childhood reactive safety behaviour?

I was speaking with someone about this recently and decided to do a bit of research to discover an untold number of blogs, YouTube videos and forum discussions with titles covering this kind of subject. Male and female dating coaches claim to have the edge over the other in knowing the inner workings of the female mind and how they project their desire:

Female dating coach: Trust me, I’m a lady and know exactly how women operate

Male dating coach: Trust me, women don’t know what they themselves want. I know what’s best.

Take your pick from ... flicking of the hair, the smile, the lingering eye contact, which way she crosses her leg... Quite a list to keep in mind, especially on a date. Tricky when you want to be focussing on where you're leading the conversation. You only have a few seconds to read a sign .... but then did they mean that?

The best success I have had is simply where I have led. It did not occur to me to look for the signs and I didn’t even know what they were. My processing went something like this:

I like what I see and;

After having pushed the boundaries enough to make my intent clear;

If she hasn’t rejected my advances - go for the kill.

Does it make me socially unadjusted to not look for ‘the signs’? I'll try not to miss the blatantly not interested signs, but tell me which well-adjusted man went on to achieve something great in life by playing it safe.

There is probably a lot more going on in the background, i.e. a high level of attraction, but women make it obvious if they do not like you, just like it becomes obvious if they do. Takes a bit of time to start to know which is at play here.

I can see why trying to create content about the signs could have been a good idea in theory (i.e. trying to put a structure on something intangible and sell it) but this suggests men can short cut something they really need to learn.

Learn how to feel a situation out. Read body language from your gut, not mind.

Understand that the signs these dating coaches are telling you are probably more signs of being nervous or anxious. I’ve seen women reach for their hair in such situations and these signs are far from conclusive. I've seen women pull these 'signs' in business meetings when a she feels anxious and is in a room with other senior business colleagues.

Understand that all of this looking for the signs, studying the signs is keeping you reactive to her and the world and as long as that is the case, you will never get what you want. Understand also, that you will always be on the back foot and never go for what you really want (intentionally) as long as you stay in this mindset. Not just in dating. In life.

This is part of a much deeper subject, so I will just scratch the surface here.

If you work for someone else – you are reactive to your manager

If you belong to a religious group or any large family – you are reactive to their social accepted practices.

Where you live – you are reactive to those societal norms.

When you were a little kid, you were reactive to your parent's approval.

The more I read and study my own behaviour in the context of success and those who have gone on to do great things, the more I understand that being in our heads (reactive, over-analytical) really only serves us if it is a temporary way of being, yet we have been educated since we were kids to make it the modus-operadi.

As a kid, I was forever acting in a way to be called “a good boy” by my mum – that was my sole goal with interactions with her. With my dad, it was to avoid pissing him off. Get my sums right, be well behaved and don’t play computer games for too long. I was (self) taught to look out for signs that they were pleased with my behaviour and adjusted my behaviour accordingly. It is no wonder this approval (sign) seeking behaviour appeals so naturally to us.

My proposal? Learn game. I will write more about the importance for non-dating benefits in a post covering that subject. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said: "Do the thing". I know it doesn't start off as an easy thing to do. I know it may seem alien. I know about approach anxiety. If you are prepared to take on that inner battle and tune your gut into feeling the situation, the decisions in your life outside of dating will be miles more evolved that those who chose to move through life wearing their mask.

Life is a peoples game my friend.

Get good at people.