What cold approach taught me and why as a man you should look into it.

Nothing quite woke me from the undertone of numbness and apathy like the first time I did cold approach.

In fact it was like a mash up on short circuiting the matrix and Wim Hoff style cold water immersion. There's a game being played and those wise to it are getting the goodies. . I did not quite realise just how much I had been sleep walking through life and conforming to unspoken societal rules of getting by without rocking any boats.

I think back to when I first did it. It seemed like a good idea while talking to the coach who was 'grooming' me into trying it and accepting my hard earned cash into his account. Great claims were made of students from the past. Could I really get the same outcome? Will this really work for me? I mean I walk around on good days get looks and glances. On bad days - nothing. Can I really approach and trigger attraction with a stranger? It was a cold weekend of truth in London, heading into Christmas that I gave it a go. Time for preparation and mirror talks were over. It was time for action.

As any coach in this space would advise, there was initially some warming up to do. Asking for the time, making small talk and general conversation. Nothing which could invite rejection.

Then came expressing desire...

There was much fumbling and falling flat on my face.

Running out of things to say.

Talking too fast.

Working through the robotic questions.

Worthiness issues... Good old worthiness issues. She's hot, am I good enough? was top of the tree.

Everything I worked so well to mask for all those years came to surface. I often hear in personal development circles, how growth is actually quite dirty any anything but linear. That weekend I really understood what people meant. It was painful at times and I used to liken it to having a blood test. That initial hello to a complete stranger and waiting to know if she welcomes the approach was like the needle going in. You will eventually get over it after you've had enough blood tests, but stay away from needles for long enough and the slight scratch feels like so much more.

So what did I learn after many accompanied and solo approaches? Being introduced to cold approach back then really woke me up to how self defeatist some of my sub conscious thoughts were and pushed me to work to create self empowering beliefs. I realised this is an ongoing journey and as I progress, my ability to be at ease with myself is always growing. Below are some of the key take away points for me.

1. This took me a while to get, but I am the only one who can really reject myself. After doing a bit of inner child work (and some plant medicine) I really got that you will come across all sorts of people in life - in relationships, at work, out with friends - going through all sorts of stuff and for me to even place too much weight on their thoughts, feelings and emotions, especially more weight than on mine, is nothing short of self betrayal. I won't look to offend, step over any boundaries or push things in an unwarranted direction with anyone, but nor should I approach from a place of fear of being judged. I get this fear of judgement is a natural one for many and is an innate nice guy (Robert Glover) quality. It can also lend one to having an external locus of control. Think about how that could keep someone feeling like a pinball - bouncing and being flipped all day long.

This is a big one and revealed a lot about how much work I needed to do.

2. There will be flakes on dates. There will be those not interested. There will be those who are looking for something on the side.

It is all part of the journey and your development as a man. Consider this as raw lessons from the school of hard knocks. Stuff you will never learn from school or university teachers. You have probably heard of how failure is part of learning and getting to your goal. Unless you have a freak occurrence, I think it's more like failure is the way to getting to your goal.

3. You cultivate the ability to converse with anyone, anywhere. You don't know the friends and alliances you might cultivate from being able to strike up a conversation. I can recall making friends with a chap who used to sit close by when I was in corporate. A simple compliment and that conversation almost went as far as going into business together.

4. Not all resting bitch faces (RBF) are masking a bitch. I recall one approach who not only walked at incredible speed, but had the kind of RBF which remains etched in my mind to this day. It was in Waterloo station. Busy-ish, but not rush house like. I felt like Ethan Hunt at one point, trying to reach her to say hello and all the while was fearing what was on the other side of that RBF. Pushing, sliding past people, up and down stairs and eventually caught up with the rather attractive blonde.

Do you know what I was met with?

A genuine apology for not being single, a good (short) conversation and a compliment.

It got me thinking. Who (and what) else have I been wrong about?

My main thought catching up with her was, she's going to say this... say that ... say something bad ... it was all negative and bad. When I caught up with her - I realised I was off the mark. Way off. The mind was resisting and acting in a way to a protect me.

Thank you mind for trying.

It was trying to brace me for a big fat blood test needle. Reality showed me otherwise.

Ultimately this was not about picking up women. It never was.

This was about waking up from the everyday lethargy of choosing only from the options presented to us. From a frame the world presents.

This is about waking up and choosing to set your own narrative.

Nothing challenges our long held, hidden limiting beliefs (men), like that when we are faced with approaching a lady we think is 'out of our league'. And you have no idea which tired beliefs are lurking in the background until you step up and challenge yourself.

Have fun with stepping out of the societal matrix. Life is a people's game.

Get good at people.